I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
