I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
