I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
