Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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