if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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