My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize