someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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