remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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