I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize