god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
In other news, I just burned my penis
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
