Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
