hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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