he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
