let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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