Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
then he tried to convert me to islam
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
