playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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