I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
