I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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