Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
