Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
