thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize