you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
