Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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