and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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