oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
