Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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