OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
