dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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