You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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