Small penises have feelings too.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
