you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
