part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
