In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
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