Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
