I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
