Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
