I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
