I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize