I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
