I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
