its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
