i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
