Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
