Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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