One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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