I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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