she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize