Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
