And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
