just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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