he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
