Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
