I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
