Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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