the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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