Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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