You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
