it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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