How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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