Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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