her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
