"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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