you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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