My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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