im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
