Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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