Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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