maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
