She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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