I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize