She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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