well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There are leaves in my underwear?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
