thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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