I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize