you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
