i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
