It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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