just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
