She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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