So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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