oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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