can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
