I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
