thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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