Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
