The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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