guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
