I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
