the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
