so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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