very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize