I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
