it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
