where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just cut my nipple shaving
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
