just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
