if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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