some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
