I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
