My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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