Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
