I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Acid is not a monday night drug
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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