I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
