He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
